Arguably, we could argue about this for days, go in circles with circular language about what roundness feels like, what it is to walk in circles, what it is to blow smoke rings and cry out about sad songs rather than let ourselves understand them, even just for a minute. I have been avoiding you in the darkness, have just been bumping around into other thoughts, knowing you were back there with that song about doing your best and out of all the times I've heard it, I remember sitting with you in the parking garage near the end most of all. It's hard to know what to say anymore.

Shut off from being shut down, I am back somewhere good. Self-judgment being at the root of why I haven't done something about all of this yet---- or is it loyalty or is it something else. I just refuse to let it be fear, I refuse to cripple, refuse to hinge, refuse to refuse, just feelings as they come.