Don't go so deep looking for tears - those ones will never matter. The ones that are to worry about will float to the top anyway. He will tell you what the Fear is in this one. And you will talk about how you can't hear about it. And you will realize that what you thought the Fear was isn't quite it at all. And you realize that he is simple, in a wonderful way. And that it's so lovely that his Fear makes sense. And when he is gone, you cry yourself to sleep because you don't know what yours is. And he'll tell you you're looking for something that isn't there. And so you do that, in case you missed something. And suddenly you are shredding journals for cocaine pages and praying to God for big silences and tears in locked closets and under some mechanic's fingernails. But you remember Tom Waits before anyone told you about him... and you remember when he laid in the middle of the road you knew exactly what was going on. And sometimes that is the point. To remember the you without the other and to remember that you aren't the same but that still exists within you. And it is all choice and chance and chaos and coffee and apologies and forgiving yourself for not knowing how to overlook the lookout. But know at the end of the day, the most beautiful thing in the world is knowing that no matter how many times you give it away, it never runs out. And if you don't believe me, ask God next time you're about to eat breakfast.

If I can have a moment of reality here, none of that is necessarily saying something directly about me. If you know me, you know this is how I write, how I go, how I think. One thing to something big to nothing about me. But of course it's all relative. But I did want to say something really straight forward... and that is I would have stayed up just to make you feel better, and I came over just to make you feel a little better, and that somehow even without being in the same room, I felt like that was the most beautiful experience I've ever had in Love, and with you. Just knowing it was a good thing for me to be there... I hope you know what I mean. Contrary to popular belief, I never say what I mean ;)