Sitting here somewhere unfamiliar, surrounded by worn in arm chairs and Spanish moss, pretending the chairs are like hugs, pretending the trees are weeping willows, practicing my disappearing act by morphing into the background of a stranger's scenery, how many layers of clothing do I have to bury myself under until I dissolve, can you hear my screaming, did I say that out loud, sorry for stepping on your foot, have you seen that episode of this show, i can't hear you, repeat yourself, what did you say, in a state of constant emergency looking for the panic button and panicking because maybe this is what life looks like, like does it just look like this, how do you hide from the very thing you are, how does your face not constantly hurt, why can't i find my way out, why does my whole body feel like a migraine, is my skin becoming see-through? does everyone thing about death all the time, does anyone wonder what it feels like when someone cuts off body parts, do you know how hard it is to eat, have you ever had trouble swallowing, do you know what it's like to be worried to be alone --- not wanting to be around people but the real fear of what you are capable of when you are left alone? Do you have any idea what i mean? do you think about how uncomfortable it would be to bleed from your pores, do you know the meaning of life, are you afraid of every small thing, have you ever taken lexapro, do you want to know what the stars feel like when you touch them, whens the last time you called your mother, does she know you're lonely, how do you feel today scale of 1-10, did you forget how to count that high, do you think the blonde girl sitting across from me is watching me or does she just happen to know exactly what i look like, why can't i cpitatlie catiske capitalize my words, i can't see the computer anymore, i can't do my job anymore, autocorrect is the only thing keeping me alive, i can't punctuate, it feels like daggers to press shift before pressing other buttons don't make me do it the rose chai i just drank reminded me of a bubble bath but it didn't taste like a bubble bath do you have any idea what that means have you ever been anxious have you ever drowned yourself have you ever wondered if you could become a bug have you ever cried yourself to sleep have you ever believed in god are you afraid of him are you afraid of yourself do you know the muffin man can you handle your mind are you sick are you ready do you know how to get out of here can you reach the orange juice for me do your fingers hurt how do i make it stop