Things that are the Same

This song, like a strong handful, remind me of being lonely in Germany, remind me of holding on so desperately to something that wasn't even officially mine. I remember the bed being uncomfortable and needing to wear a sweatshirt even just sitting in my room in the middle of the day. I remember, where everyone else remembers joy and this amazing connectivity, really heavy sadness.

It's more than 3 years later...

Things are so different and my life is very different. I am much the same.

Blood Bank is playing on my favorite pandora station and I've never heard it on there before but I have heard this song at least one thousand full times. I am sad for other reasons. It's funny somehow too. It's the same thing with different people, the same pattern even when the outside looks so different. It's one in the morning and I'm crying to sad songs by my computer's light, listening to my kitten purr and hold her small paw to my arm. It's hard because it's so easy. It's hard because for me it's never hard. And it's hard because for me, I should have known better. How can it be so easy for a good thing to fall apart? How can it be so easy for things to melt this way? I am listening to all these familiar songs that I love because the hurt runs through them soft and delicate, like this is the way life is when you have a hard day, like this is how life is when you were born more sad, like this is how life is when you fall in love with boys who can't love you. I am building you things, I am thinking of you. I can't sleep. You are ignoring me. You are feeling annoyed. You are growing colder. I am remembering a you that does not exist. I am knowing better. The part that kills me the most is this: what kind of ironic tragedy is it that the toilet paper castle is going to outlast the relationship? Ouch.

Why didn't you just call....