bigger things.

The thing killing me most and slowly is judgment, a painful intolerance for the imaginary, the complete misunderstanding of some definition or another, ready to pounce when somebody is sure something someone has done or somewhere they have been makes them something or another. What do you know anyway? Mentally incapable of dealing with the ordinaries or traditionals because they make you sick doesn't make you insane. Emotionally inequipped for dealing with people who don't ever know how to get to the bottom of it, who aren't willing to dig within themselves to discover, recover, reinvent, reimagine, reanything. I'm sick of it. Insanely. I should be put away. Put me away. I just want to eat this smoken salmon onion bagel and read about Jewish mysticism and not talk to anyone about how many choices they believe I or you or any of us should be making. We are the children of stardust and we have no time for definitions. Or if we do, we have time only for those sculpted from imaginings birthed between something authentic, something completely unable to be articulated, we are searching and growing and developing and waiting for God or someone close enough to just hold us in His ladylike hands and we are more than speech and we are alone because we are too many. We are alone because we are too strong. We are alone because we like to cry, to bury ourselves in silence and discomfort and the promise of honesty, somewhere over or under or beside the rainbow, laying naked in grassy fields, completely uncovered and sometimes sad. It's not a problem. It's a gift. It's just a gift we don't understand yet. But when you are crying in the night, completely stripped and alone, too overwhelmed for blankets or physical company, hold out your left hand and I will hold out my right, reach for you in darkness and tears, and I will promise to come back to some version of you, and I will forgive you, and I will let you know, like you let me know, that crazy is just a word like foot or empty. You are a gift. You are a child. You are bigger. You are significant.