I'm listening to Joni Mitchell pandora station and sitting on my new bedding in my big, dim room in San Jose. Two days ago, I drove with Bryan into San Francisco from here and was astonished by the beauty, the wonder of the California landscape. The cities, gorgeous in their own right, are full of magic, miracle, energy, exuberance... at least from what I've gathered. And then you take a different road and see these rolling hills and faded colors, so pure and so natural, something to write home about.

Sometimes I feel so sad... even embarrassed... to be working retail. It's a weird feeling but I think because of school I just feel like I'm not living up to my potential or something.... but the truth in my heart is that I can't imagine being more pleased really. I get to play dress up and talk to different people every day, inspire my coworkers with a positive attitude and seemingly never-fading energy, and it feels like I am living up to my own standards, which is something I feel I've never done. And I'm on salary! I am being blonde and happy and colorful and it is beautiful to me, more beautiful to me than anything else, is that I've overcome that feeling of not being good enough, even if it's only for a few hours when I'm dancing around Jest Jewels and singing with the girls. I know that I could be writing a book or I could be tutoring little kids or I could be doing something "grand" but I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing what I need to be doing exactly in the place I'm meant to be.

I miss you, though.

<3