I'm listening to Joni Mitchell pandora station and sitting on my new bedding in my big, dim room in San Jose. Two days ago, I drove with Bryan into San Francisco from here and was astonished by the beauty, the wonder of the California landscape. The cities, gorgeous in their own right, are full of magic, miracle, energy, exuberance... at least from what I've gathered. And then you take a different road and see these rolling hills and faded colors, so pure and so natural, something to write home about.

Sometimes I feel so sad... even embarrassed... to be working retail. It's a weird feeling but I think because of school I just feel like I'm not living up to my potential or something.... but the truth in my heart is that I can't imagine being more pleased really. I get to play dress up and talk to different people every day, inspire my coworkers with a positive attitude and seemingly never-fading energy, and it feels like I am living up to my own standards, which is something I feel I've never done. And I'm on salary! I am being blonde and happy and colorful and it is beautiful to me, more beautiful to me than anything else, is that I've overcome that feeling of not being good enough, even if it's only for a few hours when I'm dancing around Jest Jewels and singing with the girls. I know that I could be writing a book or I could be tutoring little kids or I could be doing something "grand" but I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing what I need to be doing exactly in the place I'm meant to be.

I miss you, though.

<3

So many really good, positive happenings in my life lately. Only sort of problem with progress is that it means I am constantly going through a list of to-do's! Every day a million things to take care of, lots of phone calls to make, things to pick up, and yet I still feel like I never have a chance to talk to my friends and family back east. I do certainly feel blessed, so much so, for my new position at work and how phenomenally well it is going. The adjustment was so hard at first, and the responsibility of management is... INTENSE. But I am doing my best with as much enthusiasm as possible, and I think the success is showing in morale and numbers! We are doing so well on the business side of things and, most importantly to me, the girls are coming to work smiling and believing they can make the goals and it just feels right.

Bryan and I have developed a pretty sturdy system of seeing one another often enough but it still makes me sad sometimes to know he is an hour away, not just a mile. Our one year anniversary of officialness is coming up August 4th... gotta think of something good! As the queen of gift-giving, I am struggling lately being creative and it BLOWS! I need to start making a list of random ideas to perpetuate this kind of thinking. Heh... I'm off topic.

So new goals... pay off $500 a month of student loans (I'm already almost at $1000 paid off! OMG! Still so much to go but it feels good to have made a dent!) with the potential help of my mom (I'm thinking $350 from me, $150 from her) and NOT TAKING MONEY OUT OF MY SAVINGS unless for rent and unless it's already allocated in my budget!!!!!!!

:)

Stay tuned.