Outrageously difficult...

to not feel pressured to compete with the pace of anyone else's life. Seeing engagement pictures, counting the comments of congratulations to grad school acceptances, hearing about my friends or even just facebook "friends" getting real jobs... why should I feel like I'm missing out on something if I'm doing my best... against my own standards? This begging inadequacy I've always felt within myself won't diminish over time... it is something I must continuously work toward triumphing in all the little ways throughout the days of my life. It's true that I'm not doing anything especially important right now in my life, I think, but I am taking a much needed breather in some ways, removing myself from certain unhealthy pressures I felt back home, and trying to love every day and appreciate the little things. I wish I had more to show for it, I guess is all. I have a lot of trouble making excuses when people ask why I moved here, what I'm doing here... the truth is I work two jobs and hang out with my boyfriend and scribble unfinished poetry on the back of grocery receipts and do my best to engage in positive interactions daily. That's enough for now. I think it's good to have goals, but it's good to remember they don't have to meet anyone else's. You have your own mind, your own path, your own individualized sensibilities. Follow that.