Been a while, y'all

"What happened, happened once. So now it's best/ in memory--- [...] Love's/ merciless, the way it travels in/ and keeps emitting light. Beside the stove/ we ate an orange. And there were purple flowers/ on the table. And we still had hours." - from "Stolen Moments" by Kim Addonizio

What's the point? Love, merciless, sometimes breaking, sometimes bind-

ing together blind-

ness or nesting itself inside my insecurities--or better yet, can you help me think?

I need words big enough so nobody can actually understand how I feel about anything because life is

inherently

boring. Don't think

that this is going to work out, and I am thinking about being bent over

a balcony

23 stories above with someone I don't know

but maybe we will get married instead of all the other plans I've made. My concern

feels light.

What's happening now?

There's no light here anymore. Nothing anymore, there is is more

than the light just traveling out of me, more than ever

mercilessly I am cutting

you off. I am not explaining myself. 

Time's up. Timing was a word

explaining nothing instead of all the words

I should have given you. We only had

a balcony. And hours.

[I prefer you]

The question is not

did we make a mistake?

the question is not
at all, more like I have a
question
in general, but i don't know what that means.

I guess we are like that, soft
usually. I guess I forgot some things though,
like the way that feels or how it can be
to trust
a human.

But the way you are is like the way your throat feels better after you drink tea when you are sick, even when you are the person who does not like tea, like we don't. Something between what things usually are like. But I remember and I know differently. But this does not change

how it feels
when humans love.